EMOTIONAL RESPONSES

Emotional responses automatically release chemical reactions within one’s body.  Adrenaline, cortisol, epinephrine, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine are naturally created, stored, and distributed within human bodies.  They are all helpful to human survival.  An anger response to something wrong can lead one to engage that wrong with right action.  A fear response can help one react quickly to danger with life-saving action.  A sadness response can cultivate fundamental personal grieving processes as well as important community-building empathy from others.  A disgust reaction can save one from engaging with something poisonous.  A happiness response can release vital pleasure endorphins within one’s body.  Hungarian-born Canadian physician and Nazi genocide survivor Gabor Maté specializes in the study and treatment of addiction, and also widely recognized for his teaching on trauma, wrote;

 

“Early on in the process of evolution, primitive responses of attraction or repulsion became essential to the life and reproduction of living creatures. Emotions, and the physical cells and tissues that make them possible, evolved as part and parcel of the apparatus of survival. It is no wonder, then, that the basic molecules that connect all the body systems of homeostasis and defence also participate in emotional reactions. Messenger substances, including endorphins, may be found in the most primitive of creatures who lack even a rudimentary nervous system. It is not that the organs of emotion interact with the (psychoneuroimmunological) system—they form an essential part of this system.”[1]

 

The four “darker” emotions (anger, fear, sadness, and disgust – and their myriad of related variations) are basically reactions to stressful experiences.  I suggest that you take a look at the appendixes at the back of this book now and throughout your reading, to familiarize yourself with some of the concepts I am using to differentiate between the variations of each core emotion as well as the differences between the core emotions and other feelings.[2]  One cannot control life’s dangers, and one cannot control one’s reactions to them.  If one feels unsafe, one’s body will react to protect oneself.  Traumas (big T and little t)[3] will occur, and human bodies will react.  Dangerous stressful events cause humans to react with the famous “five Fs”; Fight (aggression), Flight (avoidance), Freeze (paralysis), Fawn (appeasement), and Flop (physical collapse or disassociation).  These are natural human survival reactions that have kept our species from extinction throughout human evolution.  But when these emotions are ignored, or when the adrenaline, cortisol, epinephrine, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine hormones are unregulated, they can become stored in places within our bodies, often released when activated by unrelated stresses at unhelpful moments.  We can become trapped in cycles of triggered fights, flights, freezes, fawnings, and flops.  These may be manifested in personal conflicts, detachments, addictions, abuses, and sicknesses.  Our common, natural reactions to life’s circumstances can become unhelpful problems and hinderances to life-giving relationships, personal development, and health, and can keep us fettered in unhappiness.  American psychiatrist, author, and trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk states, “Being able to feel safe with other people defines mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”[4]  Award-winning South African psychologist Susan David states that emotions “signal rewards and dangers. They point us in the direction of our hurt. They can also tell us which situations to engage with and which to avoid. They can be beacons, not barriers, helping us identify what we most care about and motivating us to make positive changes.” [5]

 

[1]  Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress (Penguin Random House Canada, Toronto, ON, 2003), p. 173

 

[2]  See Appendices A WORD ABOUT VARIATIONS OF EMOTIONS and A WORD ABOUT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN EMOTIONS AND OTHER “FEELINGS”.

 

[3]  See Appendix A WORD ABOUT TRAUMA.

 

[4]  Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps Score: Brian, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Penguin Random House LLC, New York, NY, 2014), p. 352.

[5] Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life (New York: Avery, 2016), 85. 

FIVE CORE EMOTIONS

In Disney’s animated films Inside-Out 1 and 2, the five core human emotions (anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and happiness) are depicted as characters actively operating from inside a young girl named Riley.  As they (literally) push her buttons, she operates “outside” with corresponding actions.  Following several schools of emotional theory,[1] these films illustrate how human beings commonly experience being triggered by emotional responses to everyday life circumstances.  Each of these emotions are common, natural, and helpful.  All other emotions could be categorized under each of these core ones.[2]  They have been shown to also correspond to universally common human facial expressions.[3]  The authors of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 use these same five emotions as the “core five” in their resources.[4]

 

Each of these emotional reactions are spontaneously and uncontrollably triggered by experienced circumstances.  The Gottman Institute gives the following list of common triggers:

 

I felt …

 

excluded                    uncared for                         that was unfair   
powerless                  lonely                                 frustrated
unheard                     ignored                               disconnected
scolded                     I couldn't be honest            trapped             
judged                       like the bad guy                  lack of passion

blamed                       forgotten                          I couldn’t speak up
disrespected              unsafe                              manipulated

lack of affection         unloved                            controlled  [5] 

 

 

[1]  The production team consulted with renowned emotion psychologists Paul Ekman and Dacher Keltner, as well as utilizing the popular emotion theories of Robert Plutchik, Walter Cannon and Philip Bard, and others.

 

[2]  The Appendix A WORD ABOUT VARIATIONS IN EMOTIONS describes some subtly different shades of each core emotion that express a multitude of shades for each of each core emotion in their high, medium, and low states.

 

[3]  This is the specific work of Paul Ekman Nonverbal Communication (1956).

 

 

[4]  Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, Emotional Intelligence 2.0: Harness the Power of the #1 Predictor of Success (TalentSmartEQ, San Diego, CA, 2009), p. 13.  I am using “disgust” as the name of the fourth emotion, while EI 2.0 uses “shame”.  See chapter four for my perspective that “disgust” is the natural reaction, while “shame” is what disgust becomes without faith, hope, and love. 

 

[5]  Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-triggers/

WHY WRITE A BOOK ABOUT EMOTIONS?

In my forty-five years of work in ministry I have found that most people, and men especially, have trouble recognizing, acknowledging, and engaging their feelings.  When asked how they are feeling, many men can only name “hungry”, “tired”, or “fine”.  These are not emotions.  They are physical sensations.   Meanwhile, under the surface, there is a spectrum of emotions often being ignored and suppressed that are triggering many unhelpful actions and reactions that negatively affect our everyday lives.  This is personal for me.  I remember being with my wife at a “Marriage Encounter” weekend.  In one exercise, we were asked to do a “dialogue” with our partner.  This was to help us communicate our deepest emotions with each other.  We were to use a simile (a figure of speech comparing two things to describe something, like “mad like crashing waves”, or “sad like a wet blanket”) to express how we were feeling.  All I could think of was, “I feel good … like I know that I should.”  My wife was a little disappointed.  And so was I.  

Realizing that I did not have the insight, nor the vocabulary, to understand and express what was going on for me emotionally left me and my loved ones disengaged from that rich part of me, and it left us hostages to the triggers that affected my relationships, work life, motivations, and general enjoyment of life.  Canadian psychologist and researcher Hillary McBride says I am not alone.  She writes, 

“We usually have trouble feeling emotions for a number of reasons: We were discouraged from feeling through shame, punishment, rejection, isolation, or the sense that our feelings would overwhelm the person we were hoping would help us. When we did feel, it was unbearable. We didn't know how to feel, how to soothe ourselves, or how to get through to the other side. Or we had to do it alone, but it was overwhelming and terrifying. We learned that feeling wasn't allowed for our particular identity or context.” *

Many men I know cannot name an emotion, let alone clearly articulate what they are feeling.  Meanwhile, too many women have a frustratingly unmet longing to connect deeply with their male partners emotionally.  But their male partners just can’t do it.  My wife has been a clinical therapist for over twenty years.  She says this is at the core of most unhappy marriages.  My newest book, "Five Invitations" is an attempt to help.

*  Hillary McBride, The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living (HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, Toronto, ON, 2021), p.115

My Latest Book

My newest book is now available. It's a second in my series of "Invitations" books. This one is called, "Five Invitations: Engaging Your Five Core Emotions for Healing and Growth". The back cover says, "The five core emotions (anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and happiness) can be mysterious and challenging experiences for many people. Some people have a hard time noticing, naming, negotiating, and navigation them. What are these emotions? Where do they come from? Why are they sometimes problematic for personal health and relationships? What if there were some helpful ways to not just understand our emotions, but to see them as invitations to a deeper groundedness? What if we engaged these daily, common experiences as opportunities for transformative healing and growth? This book is meant to help the average person do just that".

You can get it off Amazon through the link on the right.